Resilience needed indeed

 A week back, when a top leader in my organization talked extensively about 'resilience' to a leadership forum, I didn't realize I would be requiring those so badly today.

After a sleepless night, and confronting my worst nightmares, I did what I believe is the most mature and benevolent way to deal with an otherwise highly toxic behaviour by someone close to me. It almost means the beginning of an end of things being the way they are.

It was difficult to come to terms with the observation and its immediate implications. But thinking of future possibilities makes my heart sink at times, and boil my blood at others.

But now, after having having spoken openly and concluding the brief exchange in a seemingly civil way, I feel I am on the higher plane at all levels. And I badly needed this assurance, as in many other counts, I am on a slippery slope. This is indeed a shock which gives a well needed signal to the fragility within these systems that I believe I am part of.

Multiple paths lie before me. Not all cross paths, but many do.

One is to painstakingly re-envision my world outside this system.. I also need to seek ways to keep myself afloat and come back to salvage what is important for me from the ship wreck that is to come.

But the most delicate one is to seek ways to limit the damage, or even use these signals to fix the fragility. This is something I'd like to see myself doing and the resiliency would help here.

 Lets go through the basics:

a) Relaxation response: It is a struggle to bring oneself into a composed mindset when beset by confusing and contradicting emotions, each calling for extreme reactions which are toxic in nature. But do not give into your emotional whirlpool and hold steady using your own value system and morals as a compass. If it is an interpersonal conflict, it is important to not focus on the adversary's observed actions and possible reactions, but own our own. Similarly, if dealing with an organization, the same needs to be done.

b) Resolution response: Once the storm dies out for a while, use the calm to work out your priorities, solutions, and best case outcomes expected. It would be wise to leave out the worst case scenarios as they would only act as emotional triggers to take you out of the relaxed state.

c) Keep moving/ perseverance:  Easy to say but hard to do when dealing with cyclical thoughts about future and perceived insults/disappointments etc. But make it a point to try to check if after a session of thinking, you are moving ahead or getting back to same points. If you find yourself in a cycle, you need to find the cord that attaches you, and most likely it is an emotional one. Take your time to sever it and find replacements.

d) Know thyself: This is where any amount of prior experience in dealing with your own emotions comes in handy. Especially during significant positive and negative moments in life, if you know how you tend to handle yourself on autopilot, it helps a lot. You might either need some isolated moments, some actions etc or require help from friends/family or even professional help. Identifying this correctly early on makes a huge huge difference. For example, going on it by yourself for life changing decisions, when you have no past experience can be suicidal (literally too, unfortunately in some cases).

e) Growing out of it: If you got yourself to this point without significant mental harm, congratulations. Now you are looking at using this event in growing yourself either by fixing the problem by direct or indirect means. This is important to fix the scars and go the long mile in life. You would need all your tools and contacts to do this satisfactorily.

f) Take care of yourself: The most important, but often neglected part is to take care of your own health. Indulge in good physical activities, social interactions with compassionate and positive minded people, pursue hobbies that exert your creative muscles, and get a significant amount of water and good quality sleep.

Take care, and take time to be grateful, and be kind to yourself.

thinking and writing

 Someone talked recently about the project we were working on and how my contributions were leading the very core of the ideas.

I was named a deep thinker and driver of thoughts. I remember that I actually felt uncomfortable at what could be a normal reaction to praise. But when I reflected on it, I could see much more inside that event.

While I could see where the deep thinking is visible, I also could acknowledge that it is just a single minded activity that I can get myself into it. It of course has a lot of implications on my ability to do a lot of other things at that time, and even much later. I attribute my ability to think deeply to a lot of things, but more recently I can attribute it to an significant reduction of social media distractions, involving in non fictional and abstract topics requiring my full brain activation and a bit of intellectual interactions with like and unlike minded colleagues and relatives.

Some years ago, my mental model of myself had very little space for other people and the nitty gritties of their needs and contributions to my own thoughts and actions. At some time ( possibly around the time my son was born ), I started realizing how much a network can boost one's productivity, creativity, effectiveness and resilience.

Over the years, I have found many content on such lines very appealing and I have even managed to bring some interesting books like "Man's search for meaning" and "Anti-fragile" into my re-reading list. I couldn't have imagined of doing this in my past form. 

Of course, one's mental model doesn't change as a whole so quickly. I now am in a special place, where I know that I have changed  my preferences, reactions and beliefs and aware of the continuing changes. Currently I see many of the abstract patterns converge into more concrete actions and events, with surprising results at times. These are really interesting time, filled with possibilities for me to use.

Feeling grateful for being part of this huge machinery of life.

More on the foundation

 I wrote about the Foundation's first book.

But as I now am starting on the last book in the series Forward the Foundation, ( minus the complete robo series ), I find myself at loss when considering to write about all these. It is too much.

But I think I want to say something about it now.

There is a particular chewy, sticky quality to the story, especially when protagonists change dramatically within a book itself. But it didn't last long. It turns out that the original trilogy had this hallmark nature, when the author didn't have a clear background or ending in mind. But once he was coaxed by the publishers to connect the multitude of his work into a web of stories, it started losing much of what makes it stand out from the rest. I must admit, I haven't read a lot of science fictions, but I think you can get the drift already.

But it was interesting enough, to make me keep reading all the books, in the order of their publication, except of course the robo series, which I plan to read separately. You see there are certain events and threads connecting these series, and it became quite evident first from the Foundation's Edge. Having no knowledge of the robo series, made many references to it quite mystical for me. Maybe when I read those, that itch shall be scratched.

But so far, the prelude to foundation and the forward the foundation seem subdued, a kind of filler book. Still, the riches of a mind blowing connection to robo events, keeps me on the track.

Happy reading.

Following the clock

Typical day:

5-6 AM wakeup -> Afternoon rush

Evening

At close of work, either go to gym, or get to reading/helping with homework/cooking.

Post dinner, get school work done, get reading.

Put child to sleep, and if I survive, get back to reading

Else, continue with step #1, the next day.

I observe that books and some form of exercise are the regular habits, which can be classified as good.

The regular digital habits, on the other hand required some monitoring and introspection:

a) Twitter(X)

Scroll through a list of regular people whom I follow, with very very limited political exposure (unavoidable, unless I want to be proverbially living under the rock).

With interesting events happening, I might over 40 mins a day scrolling and retweeting. Otherwise it might be within the 30 mins window.

Main topics I find myself reading/responding are: Fitness, travel, wildlife, world events, very specific trolling incidents outside my lil echo chamber. I had over the last two years trimmed the list of people I follow significantly, weeding out inactive or toxic accounts for people who consistently post relevant, informative or creative content. Biggest examples would be Sandeep Mall, Science Girl etc.

b) Youtube

I don't use the standard Youtube app due to the ads, and rely on the Youtube Vanced app [boohoo, this is now gone, and I'm subjected to the horrors of watching ads] for my video binging which I try to also avoid when my son is around. After all, we are lecturing him to restrict his screen time, all the time. 

On a average, I find I use Youtube for 30-40 mins a day. Rarely it can go beyond an hour if I sit late night to finish watching some long pending ones, or get into a YT Shorts binge-until-burnout.

Again, the contents mainly seem to either personal finance (quality/novelty over quantity here), medieval history (mostly related to something  I am reading/playing/listening), documentaries of something being manufactured or cooked, and sometimes fitness/workout videos and comedies or movie based stuff. 

c) Finance apps

I have off late got myself out of the personal finance/investment whirlpool by removing the Stock broker and Mutual fund apps from phone main screen. This significantly helps with not worrying about markets, investment levels and missed opportunities. So these app take hardly 2 min on a average every day, considering that these aren't opened at all most of the time, and when opened for checkpoints, I do spend some time analyzing trends.

Apps: Kite, MyCams, KFintech

d) Chrome:

This is too generic, and its usage widely depends on what I am googling. Regular websites would only be Farnam Street Blog, HackerNews etc, which are bookmarked. Most others are irregular investment related ones or yes, one minor whirlpool known as LinkedIn.

e) Steam:

This is a relatively new habit of mine, by virtue of getting Age of Empires 2 Defnitive Edition on my laptop through Steam ( paid for, really!). Not only have I spent 120+hrs already on the game (with 2+hrs in each session, leaving me mildly numb in the right arm afterwards ), but I have been induced to find and install a few more time draining Free-To-Play games. Off late, I uninstalled all of those additional ones as these were just straining my arms and eyes and plainly boring/violent games which my young son gets inspired with. AoE2 is relatively benign/boring/exciting depending on level of play and time sunk into it. Playing with a context, and strategy makes it rewarding especially campaigns which provide some historical stories also. Plain fighting it out makes it a burnout game though.

Ahem, after which, I found the "Uncharted Waters:Origins". It was a craze, engulfing many hours of my life until when I reached Level 40, and the satisfaction is saturated.  I find myself more gravitated to the non-digital activities to cope with higher hours on the work side.

f) Podcasts:

This is almost exclusively reserved for use while driving ( that too when I'm alone ), but there are also podcasts which I need a OneNote to take notes with too. These I re-listen after the car episode to distill the information, in the good imitation of Farnam Street advice on good reading practices.

Some of the podcasts I'm listening are:

a) The Knowledge Project of Farnam Street fame. Not bad, but not daily digestible content either.

b) Huberman lab. Wonderful topics, but need dedicated attention, filtering and note taking, plus followup.

c) Empire. This is my favourite go-to podcast because of the history, adventure, facts, relatable events with unknown backgrounds, funny banter of my favourite author and the ability to travel all over the world in my mind. But I have been slow on catching up the pace at which they release pods.

d) The seen and the unseen. Again, a masterful show. I pick topics I want to listen, because these are 2-3 hrs deep dives, but completely worth it.

Monologue on leadership

 Pardon the unedited monologue

Q: What is transformational leadership?

A: Before we talk about transformational leader, "who is a leader?", your 5 year old asks. 

First answer : A leader is who inspires to take initiative, to be brave and forget pains/obstacles for time being to help focus on achieving a goal.

Often, in tough or uncertain situations,  a leader has to encourage to just take a positive action and trust the people to keep finding short and long term goals to pursue.

Many a times people just need that nudge to come out of comfort zones, and mental plateaus to be able to see the need to increase or redirect their energies and tactics to get to a goal.

Sometimes leaders are just good listeners who help employees recharge and rejuvenate on a long and arduous journey.

In military environment, leaders at the lowest ranks, NCOs etc are exceptional role models for the larger group of fighting men/women around them. They are expected to not hesitate and show case examples of initiative, bravery, perseverance and ferocity. Top commanders, on the other hand are expected to be visionary, flexible with decisions, and inspiring confidence and trust of sub-ordinates.

In a corporate environment, a leader at the top is mainly expected to display and communicate a clarity of purpose of the organization or an initiative. But all levels are expected to showcase fairness, openness to feedback and always gunning for victory. Sometimes leaders are personally relatable, and that bonds the team closer to them. This is not always feasible due to personality differences across cultures and geographies. In such cases, appealing to a common set of values is enough and the remaining is site-specific bonus.

It is also important to communicate the why part of any decision, process or policy at the top level. This reflects onto middle managers, without which they tend to close themselves to feedback from their sub-ordinates, creating a low trust environment. More often, it is the lower layer managers who have to face the feedback of the technical team which often doesn't align to the top management visions. This can be mitigated by direct access to leader's voice and forums, plus careful communications with expected resistance planned into it. Some of these expected resistance or pushback can be read from carefully crafted and regular centralized surveys. But often it is the lower layer leaders who need to be aware of the team pulse and key developments, and communicate a gist of it regularly up the management channel.

Such a channel should exist for managers to communicate to their managers about informal matters. It builds trust and encourages low level managers to be creative with their team's specific situation instead of losing out on need for homogenization.

Also, with all this rambling, I realize that leadership is not something that can be 100% perfect all the time. And I think I can see some factors that influence it, and that explains why there are so many different materials, forums, thoughts on this through centuries of civilization, and we still see a need to keep working on this.  Leadership is a fully human concept. It is not exactly defined, and the leadership qualities expected change based on the leader, the organization, the business, the times. 

Sometimes, everything is going fine. Then either the leader is changed or has a change of mind, employees change or have a change of mind, business changes or the entire world changes. It is in this vortex that we find a need for a shining beacon of leadership at all levels of an organization. While there are timeless principles and qualities of leadership that can be trained, coached and practiced by organization, the highly valued leadership skills are based on self-reflection and talking to people at a given moment. Leadership served for one instance shouldn't be forced to be used in all situations.

Negotiation and communicating fairly is a key skill to be learnt as a leader. Placing all facts for perusal allows opening up the trust, and you have avenues for negotiating to overcome mental blocks, and resistance to change. But this flexibility is also required of the manager when the blocks are factual or technical, requiring to rethink the whole approach and redirect the many pieces to fall in place.

Oh yes, another point in that is that leadership and administration are two different things. A leader can be a pioneer or a manager. Both require different skill sets and shouldn't be swapped freely unless the person involved is mentally ready for this. Pioneers hack through harsh jungles, seek new paths, lead the team, but their work isn't often neat or orderly or sustainable. But without them, we are lost. Managers on the other hand are good at organizing and administering multiple complicated pieces and sustaining an efficient operation. It might consist of challenges as well as repetitive actions and consultations, which might disillusion the pioneering leader. We also should accept the fact is that at times, a leader has to showcase both abilities, and so aspiring leaders would do well to observe both styles, identify the stronger side, enforce it and also work on strengthening the weaker one.

Another thought is about trying to classify your intended target for a change communication. There might be supporters, indifferent ones, cynics and open rebellious ones. Here is a strategy for each of those:

a) Supporters -> Talk to them privately and learn their reasons for supporting. If they align, use them as ambassadors if it helps within the team. Sometimes, their involvement polarizes the others for certain topics. You might also discover amazing reasons for support which you wouldn't have anticipated.

b) Indifferent -> Talk to them to identify their concerns. Often it is reluctance to change, stemming from past injustices. If possible address or correct those. If not feasible, offer them the benefits of moving on and encourage regularly to come over to your side.

c) Cynic -> This can be quite tough as usually cynics are well prepared. One can engage in an intellectual debate, inflate/deflate their egos and get them on your side, or go through the process for indifferents with an open mind to show that you care, and you should genuinely do so, if they have a weird and different opinion on how things should be. You might find some rare gems there.

d) Rebellious/Scared -> These are the folks who often expect the change to be damaging to their career, reputation or more. Care must be taken to calm their mind with active listening and genuine interest in resolving their problems. If issue is imagined, careful explanation is important without pushing on behalf of management or promising punishment. It might work in short term, but will fire back in the long term.

Leaders in tech

In tech, we value good approachability, ability to convince, negotiate and motivate. Ability to accept mistakes, reduce conflicts and maintain a positive outlook is also key skills for a leader. And not to forget, ability to motivate people to take calculated risks without fear of being judged harshly, and enabling a culture that inspires technical studies and using that input for leading the product and organization.

Managers shouldn't or needn't be always in a position to guide or coach technical experts. They need to collaborate more. This allows both of them to operate in a win-win model. This raises a question of whether technical folks can also lead, with the full spectrum of a manager, by providing leadership to other non-technical departments like HR, finance, quality and meeting legal criterion. That’s quite interesting to find where that boundary or overlap of skills, wide knowledge and attitude of allowing multiple opposing ideas to co-exist and shape the final decision exists.

Most importantly, in such environments, the key thing to note is when/how the individual experts/departments are able to come out of their limited role and perspective, and discard their feeling of self-importance to make some truly remarkable decisions for the organization. Can this be done without a central hinge point of a leader? That is, can a decentralized team of leaders pull this off, and sustainably so as an extended question?

Wow, this entire exercise is a challenge to the mind, science and philosophy.

Inspirations for this monologue written in a single sitting

a) Man's search for meaning Victor Frankl

b) Prince by Machiavelli

c) Built to last

        d) 7 effective habits Stephen Covey

Foundation-Part 1

' The Foundation Series' was originally a series of 3 books written in the early 1950. It was later on expanded with sequels and prequels after nearly 40 years of the original series' end.

I believe it is a hallmark series of science fiction, and millions of people in many generations were entertained and influenced by its storylines, technological predictions and underlying themes.

In fact, having read the very first book 'Foundation', I was surprised and embarrassed at not having read it earlier. Here I am attempting a re-telling of the story purely from memory, and I might miss or mix up things, and SPOILER alert for those plan to read this soon...

The story starts off in the city/world of Trantor, which is the capital of the now dying Empire. We are not given much context of when in the future of human race these events are set, but it is made to seem quite advanced into the future. The surprise is that human beings still seem to be the dominant species and have long colonized and settled multiple worlds(planets) across the Milky Way galaxy.

The Empire seems to be the central ruling power for almost every world in this realm, in spite of various political aspects involved. We are also introduced to the Harri Seldon, a psychohistorian who states that the empire is in a state of decay and that he was working on a plan to revive it sooner than it would be if he didn't interfere.

He set up what later comes to be known as the Seldon Plan ( known only to a secretive group of scientists ), and sends out young scientists to a fringe world, which gets named the Terminus.

Eventually, after many years, this fledgling planet (known as Terminus) is just a library of sorts that needs massive support of all neighbouring worlds. The only resource this planet is rich in, is the scientific findings and inventions based on Atomic energy which only Terminus controls. Soon this prosperity gets it into conflict zone with its neighbours  and thereby triggering the series Seldon crises.

The first of this crisis comes in the form of a neighbouring world Anacreon trying to annex Terminus to gain the Atomics. This crisis is successfully mitigated by an internal power shift and external alliance with other neighbours to prevent any one world being stronger by huge margins.

After many years, the crisis repeats itself with a much stronger Anacreon planning an attack with more sophisticated weapons acquired from the dying empire. By now, the Foundation has made itself a religion by forming a religious hierarchy for its technological advancements, and expecting strict obedience and reverence of the Foundationers. Using this influence on the soldiers and common folk, the Foundation manages a spectacular last minute victory by turning this fear of defiling the gods against the rulers of Anacreon.

The next crisis boils over once all other worlds become wary of the missionary power of the Foundation and either bans them altogether or in completely under its sway with no way to claw out. It is in this wiggle space that a conflict looms ahead, and Foundation defeats it by the charms of a Trader. This begins the deviation of Foundation from a scientific religion to a purely trading power. The aggressor Korell is purely restrained by the threat of an embargo of trade goods.

to be contd..

Missing text

 Its been more than a year since I wrote anything here.

We were long past the worst of all the experiences of the lockdown in those days, and things have only improved and come to a sort of plateau since then. So I have only rosy things to say apart from a few illogical regrets on things I could have done better, but aren't important in the larger scheme of things.

The lockdown started off surprisingly with lots of confusion, as it did for majority of the folks on this planet. While we didn't rush to markets or shops to join the throng for binge-purchases, we did suffer from a lot of anxiety on account of the 2yr old child left with his grandparents, across state borders.

From 2020 end to 2022 end, it remains a topic I thought I would eventually find interesting to write about, but I haven't been able to sit for it yet.

In fact, fast forward from that to 2023, I am more often reading a lot of books, playing Age of Empires games, and engaging myself with the household and work related activities. I myself don't seem to grasp a very detailed view of most of these things, and so if I look closely, they are a pain to recollect, re-arrange and then re-interpret to make sense to a reader. But then I guess this practice is what makes a 'writer', if I may claim that title by unfair means of just having a blog freely published on Google Blogger.