A week back, when a top leader in my organization talked extensively about 'resilience' to a leadership forum, I didn't realize I would be requiring those so badly today.
After a sleepless night, and confronting my worst nightmares, I did what I believe is the most mature and benevolent way to deal with an otherwise highly toxic behaviour by someone close to me. It almost means the beginning of an end of things being the way they are.
It was difficult to come to terms with the observation and its immediate implications. But thinking of future possibilities makes my heart sink at times, and boil my blood at others.
But now, after having having spoken openly and concluding the brief exchange in a seemingly civil way, I feel I am on the higher plane at all levels. And I badly needed this assurance, as in many other counts, I am on a slippery slope. This is indeed a shock which gives a well needed signal to the fragility within these systems that I believe I am part of.
Multiple paths lie before me. Not all cross paths, but many do.
One is to painstakingly re-envision my world outside this system.. I also need to seek ways to keep myself afloat and come back to salvage what is important for me from the ship wreck that is to come.
But the most delicate one is to seek ways to limit the damage, or even use these signals to fix the fragility. This is something I'd like to see myself doing and the resiliency would help here.
Lets go through the basics:
a) Relaxation response: It is a struggle to bring oneself into a composed mindset when beset by confusing and contradicting emotions, each calling for extreme reactions which are toxic in nature. But do not give into your emotional whirlpool and hold steady using your own value system and morals as a compass. If it is an interpersonal conflict, it is important to not focus on the adversary's observed actions and possible reactions, but own our own. Similarly, if dealing with an organization, the same needs to be done.
b) Resolution response: Once the storm dies out for a while, use the calm to work out your priorities, solutions, and best case outcomes expected. It would be wise to leave out the worst case scenarios as they would only act as emotional triggers to take you out of the relaxed state.
c) Keep moving/ perseverance: Easy to say but hard to do when dealing with cyclical thoughts about future and perceived insults/disappointments etc. But make it a point to try to check if after a session of thinking, you are moving ahead or getting back to same points. If you find yourself in a cycle, you need to find the cord that attaches you, and most likely it is an emotional one. Take your time to sever it and find replacements.
d) Know thyself: This is where any amount of prior experience in dealing with your own emotions comes in handy. Especially during significant positive and negative moments in life, if you know how you tend to handle yourself on autopilot, it helps a lot. You might either need some isolated moments, some actions etc or require help from friends/family or even professional help. Identifying this correctly early on makes a huge huge difference. For example, going on it by yourself for life changing decisions, when you have no past experience can be suicidal (literally too, unfortunately in some cases).
e) Growing out of it: If you got yourself to this point without significant mental harm, congratulations. Now you are looking at using this event in growing yourself either by fixing the problem by direct or indirect means. This is important to fix the scars and go the long mile in life. You would need all your tools and contacts to do this satisfactorily.
f) Take care of yourself: The most important, but often neglected part is to take care of your own health. Indulge in good physical activities, social interactions with compassionate and positive minded people, pursue hobbies that exert your creative muscles, and get a significant amount of water and good quality sleep.
Take care, and take time to be grateful, and be kind to yourself.
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