I had thought better of my academic performance.I believed that after 10th I had learnt a lesson and studying would not be a big matter if I did it on the night before the exams.But once again I was rudely reminded that it was luxury enjoyed by the traditionally scoring('padipist') people of the world.
My lethargy was boosted by 2-3 projects which I had taken up for the college.The main cause was my indulgence in the portal project.I was over-enthusiastic and wasted the time meant for academic purposes on that stupid thing(actually i love it)...
I don't know what I did all these days skulking in front of that damned system either playing games,or holed up in some website or chatting.After hours of sitting in front of that contraption,I seemed to be always attracted to another one...TV.Hence my life was literally swallowed up by these 'smart machines'.
Whenever I think of the computer as a trouble my mind tells me 'You are meant to sit in front of this thing your entire life if you need to live'.That makes me forget the anger i had against this thing.
During this series I saw the return of old enemy,Mathematics.I had scored well in the first series so maybe i had lowered my defense.That led to me being caught me unawares.I have started planning my next move to prevent myself from being clean bowled or I would like to say neatly speared by this horrible subject.
Almost all my classmates are comfortable with maths or even experts in it.It is known that engineering students are generally good in maths with an exception of a few like me.
This time not only my preset jobs but also the KSEB cheated me out of my escape.The night before the DE/DMS exam was completely dark with the power failing form 8-10.30 the time when I ever mind to open books.To add to that,I had been with the system till 7.45 and then from 10.45 to 11.30.Hows it?I cannot blame the KSEB alone for that can I?With just an hour's study I could have converted DMS into another above 40 paper but finally I myself stuck the dagger into my heart by making it a below 25 paper.
Now we are going to have internal lab exams next week onwards.The once thing that I need for success apart form records and study...is my confidence and determination.I am half way through stocking i up and while doing that my entire visions of future unfolds before me.I drift into dreams about thing that I do in future and all the time my grit and determination is stock piling.
I am putting myself into mission mode from now on.Nothing can stop me once I have set my eyes on a goal.I will not perish without a fight.I will not let my dark side rule me.
Life is a battle and I am soldier who fights to win.