walking through a bramble bush

 some sort of impasse seems to be built when things don't exactly go at the same pace as I wish them to.

The resulting frustration is sometimes responsible for leading me into various other paths. Of course I am not trying to absolve my own thinking, feeling and aware brain of its responsibilities in finding meaning, keeping up the tempo and trying to enjoy life.

But quite often, the multiple paths or intentions tend to get muddled up. Specifically, if you look at the simple goal of trying to be happy, comfortable and trying to be super productive, or even perfect. These are kind of built to conflict at various stages, as trying to do something or achieve something, often makes us move from a particular state of mind to another. And all movement requires a bit of stress, attention and focus to get it right. This is in contrast with the staple amounts of peace or comfort at staying in one point.

The feeling gets stronger and stronger that we are not going to be the perfect <anything> , as per any criteria of perfection defined without touching my very specific needs and persona. If anything, in order to get a fine balance between my own definition of perfections and the external triggers for action, there is a complex interplay between these two forces. It is not easy to state the importance of any one, or to predict how in a particular moment, a decision may be taken.

But the external practical world craves stability and predictability, and being actors on this stage, I too have developed a few skills in providing these to others, and am capable of judging the same of others, to some extent. To claim mastery on these, is akin to accepting the folly of accepting the need and the resulting abilities in living with those rules. It also gives and internally thumbs up to continue boosting those attributes. 

Let us be clear that I am in no way already favouring one side of things. I might be just going a circuitous way to say that these things require a fine and delicate hand to let each side take turns winning, or sometimes generate completely unique and wild things by combining with each other in various proportions and manners.

That unpredictability and the bound in the stride that it provides is afterall the elixir of life.