Just see the heading. I have to admit that there is significant distance between the two now,i.e what I am and what I do. There are two other significant players in this situation, which are "what I want to do" and "what I want to be".
It seems that they are in the increasing order of difficulty in explaining and satisfying. Its pretty easy to be what I am ,and little more difficult to do something fruitful,but even more difficult to know what exactly I want to do with my time. And it is really tough and confusing to try to get an answer to what I want to be.
This irritating situation may partly be due to my own views on what I wanted to do with myself and my time on various previous occasions. It is also due to many of my impulsive decisions and frankly, many "well thought" ones which went awry.
Having done the task of thinking what I am doing with my time, and weaving plans to utilize them to suit my ambitions, once before; during the break after sixth semester,I know well now that it is a task that simply involves brooding over almost every thing that seems attractive. I tend to think over and over , whether this really is THE best solution. Its a condition that leads to insomnia and hair loss (possibly) :D . Armed with this experience, this time around I have decided to utilize my time to the maximum extent( again ), for a selected few alternatives in life.
So I decided to play more games, both on the computer and more seriously outdoors. Compared to the sixth semester, I have no real work to look ahead to ,that I can work on. But having said that , the present situation is pretty tricky. I have offers from companies , the call from whom maybe come after a minimum of three months (that too hopefully). Though I have managed to shelve quite a lot of my apprehensions and worries about whether the jobs in hand are the best and about various other options, by striking off alternatives, there remains many which need to be sorted out. Still, I feel I should simply concentrate on enjoying whatever time that is left, while not actually wasting it. Some wise guy's status message comes to my mind , which abstractly says that the beauty of life lies in the fact that you cannot get something without losing something else, and its not possible to get everything you want in life. There are better quotes out there, if only you bother to google around.
So, these days its all about keeping in contact with friends and family, playing enough games, running errands at home, learning some things new for myself and teaching younger ones or friends a few things I know and rest of the time, picking up good habits and discarding some of my bad and incompatible ones. Afterall at the age of 20 that I am now, and facing a new kind of life, it never hurts to be prepared at more fronts by fixing up those small holes,waiting for the whistle to go out and we would be charging into the open battlefield against god-know-what-all.
For now...Cheers to life!!
