Watching the rivulets

The river flows. It just does.

It originates from ice, stagnant in its place for centuries before the energy within overcomes the pressure of the surroundings and finally bursts out. Instantly adopting its new nature, it spontaneously seeks out the lowest point to settle.

If you observe, the river is not one. It is but a multitude of individual moments of existence of entities which share the same source but not necessarily the same destination. Tumbling over rocks, gliding over mud, seeping into sand, most of them keep moving, seeking and often even making their own destinies..slowly..very slowly. Some end up as puddles, some make their own rivers, others reach the final destination of the sea.But in truth, most if not all, get to the next form of vapour and get on an even headier journey.

Among those that remain in the flow, some form tumultuous rivulets over rocks, while others silently pool up as puddles and set the stage for paths which are unseen from the main path. These paths don't exist yet. They won't for a century or two. But the droplets need to continue their motions without any concern until there is a new path there.

If distant observers were to interfere with their grand plan for individual droplets, they would be in for a surprise. For every drop they interfere with, there would be scores more that alter their paths to avoid interference and result in something unpredictable. Hell, that could even be the intention of the interference. One can only indulge in the mesmerizing and complex shifting patterns of multitudes of rivulets as they encounter new sieves and obstacles, put there by a distant observer.

Among the many rivulets continuously flowing in their own paths, if one were to pull out a fistful with the intention to changing the nature of the drops, one would find that almost all would pass through. The ones that do come to hand and submit to modification can be let back and tracked downstream. Your interference might stand out if it suits the mighty river, made of individual drops and rivulets fighting for their own paths. It might vanish in a breath if it doesn't blend in. But most often, you would thinking you can see glimpses of your change everywhere whereas the truth would be hard to decipher.

A collage of many worlds

This article has been in the drafts for years now and so the only way to push it out is to do a lazy edit.

Here I try to honour and spend a few moments appreciating a few books I read in the recent years. I don't expect to be able to do full justice to few mentioned and the many that aren't.

Why are they here? When I see these names and try to recollect their content, their emotional appeal and the overarching theme, I find those lodged deeply in my current world view, forming a collage of many distinct worlds.

Being super lazy to write detailed and exciting reviews, I am going to write only as much as I feel like, trying to point out what I gained from the book.

2021

Ivory Throne (Manu S Pillai) - The distinct nature of the Travancore throne, the royal system of the past and its remnants in the present. The Ammachis, the matrilineal system, the role played in the temple culture, British era, independence etc.

Prashnopanishad - A logical Q&A based treatise on some of the easier philosophical ideas covered by the Vedas.The very idea that Indian philosophy is just gods, rituals & chants is bullshit as some of these conversations point to highly logical body of intellectuals who do not succumb to emotional jingoism that plagues modern Hinduism.

Man's search for Meaning (Viktor E Frankl) - Almost a self help book, but strongly flavoured with historical aspects of the Nazi concentration camp days. It strongly resonates for its core message of creating a meaning for one's life. 

2022

Guns Germs and Steel (Jared Diamond) - A strong narrative setter for geographical determinism, which may even be seen as a poor excuse for colonialism. But definitely a great source of insights for obsessively curious folks who wonder why the world is the way it is now, and not any other.

Dersu the trapper (V.K.Arseniev) - This is a warm narrative of the wild human meeting the cruel civilization, Siberian winters, reminscent of the steppe nomad lifestyle. 

The Overstory (Richard Powers) - Deeply philosophical and often hard to understand. But the overall takeway is a deep spiritual connection to possibly one of the most important life forms on earth which we have learnt to ignore or disrespect: Trees.

2023

Anti fragile (Nassim Nicholas Taleb) - I didn't expect to enjoy such a book. But I did and found myself excitedly following convoluted arguments just because I could connect to them myself. Lots of new insights, ways to think and tools for dealing with risks in life. It is not exactly a reference book, but a great source of inspirations to argue and wrestle with.

Anarchy (William Dalrymple) - Possibly the last book I will read of William Dalrymple (I switched to podcast for rest) as he summarizes the whole English conquest of India. As always filled with details and wonderful arguments on why things happened the way they did, with lots of fingers pointing at chance and human fraility, rather than marked superiority of any race.

At the feet of living things - This was a wonderful set of small articles that introduced me to some Indian naturalists/wildlife researchers and their impactful work across the country. The articles cover various geographies and species around India and hence also serve as a travel inspiration. I don't recall individual stories readily anymore, but the images of snow leopards stealing from sheep pens in Ladakh, depleted fish species of Lakhadweep, social patterns of Bonnet Macaques in the Bandipur forest altered by human contact, dugongs of Andaman etc are some strong ones I retain.

Breath (James Nestor) - While reading it was occassionally repetitive, it contains some very solid recommendations which have found their way into our lives. In short, it takes a deep dive into breathing well, and at the end, you might as well find yourselves breathing in its contents deeply.

Lords of the Deccan - A historical bonanza, revealing so many details about the general region I occupy in India, that I wondered why this is not included into school curricula. We need to have a deeper understanding of our past kingdoms, rivalries and cultural pursuits which to this date defines modern culture and politics. Without that, the whole question of why the South is the way it is today, why even India is the way it is today is inexplicably lost, trying to rely on relatively unrelated events which have received a far beneficial treatment at the hands of subsequent power brokers and thus historians as well.

Space Odyssey (Arthur C Clarke) , Foundation (Isaac Asimov) & Three Body Problem (Cixin Liu); individually and collectively generate a very strong mental image of humanity going through technological and societal reorganization at the face of new challenges. 

Together alongside the "Rama" series, they continue to shine bright in our imaginations providing valuable insights into what we are capable of being.

2024

Chip War (Chris Miller): Gave a high level overview of the history of semiconductor industry and why US is/was the pioneer in this field, and how the economics and subsequently the geopolitics shifted. Very relevant for the state of the current world.

Naalukettu (MT Vasudevan Nair): A simple story set in rural Kerala undergoing a social shift that is affecting the matrilineal system of the Nair households, healing various past wounds and in the process inflicting new ones.

Salt Fix: A book hell bent on changing the narratives on the impact of salt consumption on health. It argues hard to stop demonizing salt and to keep consuming it in healthy amounts. I was amused and digged deeper on certain points and am convinced that salt is a friend, while sugar is wolf in sheep's clothes. The central role of salt in the highly complicated water retention and nervous systems is now a core part of  my understanding of how our body works.

Why aren't we dead yet?:

Another health related book which takes a deeply scientific (yet not too hard to imagine) view of why our body has evolved the way it has, and why the hell we are still alive in this world that constantly tries to kill us for food. I felt deeply grateful and appreciative of our natural systems and this world model always rises to action when considering administration of medicines of any kind on self or family members.

Lost Decade(Puja Mehra), Accidental Prime Minister (Sanjaya Baru): I usually don't find contemporary politics interesting as the narratives can easily be manipulated to suit various incentives. But I was attracted to the first book from a pure economical point after hearing about it in the "Seen and the Unseen" podcast. The subsequent journey down the rabbit hole, trying to find balancing voices led me to the next book. Together, these books create a few narratives of a period in my life where I wasn't really paying attention to politics as I was busy starting with my career. The arguments & events from these books help me navigate and understand more such narratives on political lines without losing objectivity.

2025

Honjin Murder series (Seishi Yokomizo):Highly acclaimed and out of curiosity, I picked this up. Not disappointed and went on to read many of the repetitive stories of the genre and still don't regret it (except maybe the high price). Won't rate it over the top, but it is still a decent murder mystery series to pick for a long journey.

Before the coffee gets cold series (Toshikazu Kawaguchi): Yet another popular Japanese series. Having read all of the books, I now feel they are overrated, repetitive at places and highly priced. But individually as books and stories, some of them are well written and cause deep emotional pain. No regrets picking it up and maybe the world view I carry from it is simply to appreciate and enjoy people around you while they last (or while the coffee is still warm). Alludes to some deep zen philosophy of being in the moment.

Empires of the Steppes (Kennel W Harl): I am a clinically diagnosed steppe culture fan, based on the number of books & YT videos I have consumed on the topic. I even use the Chinggis, Turk, Penchegs, Bulgar, Hun analogies and strategies in regular life very frequently. For me, this was a prize find at a Mathurbhumi offline store and I was in a flight of fantasy, devouring the insights about hundreds of unknown stories from the Steppes for weeks together. The content is so vast that this book takes a permanent spot in my otherwise fleeting collection of books to facilitate re-reads.

The Dawn of Everything (David Graeber, David Wengrow): This book aims to dislodge various mainstream ideas and arguments regarding the history of human freedom, self-determinism and military wielding governments using a combination of recent archaelogical evidences and reviewing past events in new light. I was impresed by to the sheer audacity of the claims. I constantly find myself wondering about the world, had the alternative systems actually survived and become mainstream. I can generate a verbal storm on this and still not cover much of the work as it is a big volume of researched work with socio-political arguments. But now very much part of my world model when I think about why some tasks work well with centralized control and some don't, why some people in some situations give up their freedom willingly, while some resist, what guides religions, governments and people with authority in general.

2026

The Fabric of the Cosmos (Brian Greene): I have always been at awe with the advances in theoretical physics, quantum physics and cosmology beyond what was learnt in bits & pieces in high school curriculum. But it was rather a hard subject to get into, until I got my hands on this book. It does a good job of explaining basics, and layering up to complicated findings and possible theories.

Indian Summer: The Secret History of the End of an Empire (Alex Von Tunzelmann) : Only after I picked this book and read various passages did I realized that I knew almost nothing about the British view of the Indian independence movement. Tells a detailed story of the British aristrocracy and Lord Mount Batten before getting into the association between Edwina and Nehru,and then gets into extensive details about the nerve wracking process of Indian Independence. I appreciate the events and the politics of the day better now with more objectivity and less dramatic characterization of individuals.

Resilience needed indeed

 A week back, when a top leader in my organization talked extensively about 'resilience' to a leadership forum, I didn't realize I would be requiring those so badly today.

After a sleepless night, and confronting my worst nightmares, I did what I believe is the most mature and benevolent way to deal with an otherwise highly toxic behaviour by someone close to me. It almost means the beginning of an end of things being the way they are.

It was difficult to come to terms with the observation and its immediate implications. But thinking of future possibilities makes my heart sink at times, and boil my blood at others.

But now, after having having spoken openly and concluding the brief exchange in a seemingly civil way, I feel I am on the higher plane at all levels. And I badly needed this assurance, as in many other counts, I am on a slippery slope. This is indeed a shock which gives a well needed signal to the fragility within these systems that I believe I am part of.

Multiple paths lie before me. Not all cross paths, but many do.

One is to painstakingly re-envision my world outside this system.. I also need to seek ways to keep myself afloat and come back to salvage what is important for me from the ship wreck that is to come.

But the most delicate one is to seek ways to limit the damage, or even use these signals to fix the fragility. This is something I'd like to see myself doing and the resiliency would help here.

 Lets go through the basics:

a) Relaxation response: It is a struggle to bring oneself into a composed mindset when beset by confusing and contradicting emotions, each calling for extreme reactions which are toxic in nature. But do not give into your emotional whirlpool and hold steady using your own value system and morals as a compass. If it is an interpersonal conflict, it is important to not focus on the adversary's observed actions and possible reactions, but own our own. Similarly, if dealing with an organization, the same needs to be done.

b) Resolution response: Once the storm dies out for a while, use the calm to work out your priorities, solutions, and best case outcomes expected. It would be wise to leave out the worst case scenarios as they would only act as emotional triggers to take you out of the relaxed state.

c) Keep moving/ perseverance:  Easy to say but hard to do when dealing with cyclical thoughts about future and perceived insults/disappointments etc. But make it a point to try to check if after a session of thinking, you are moving ahead or getting back to same points. If you find yourself in a cycle, you need to find the cord that attaches you, and most likely it is an emotional one. Take your time to sever it and find replacements.

d) Know thyself: This is where any amount of prior experience in dealing with your own emotions comes in handy. Especially during significant positive and negative moments in life, if you know how you tend to handle yourself on autopilot, it helps a lot. You might either need some isolated moments, some actions etc or require help from friends/family or even professional help. Identifying this correctly early on makes a huge huge difference. For example, going on it by yourself for life changing decisions, when you have no past experience can be suicidal (literally too, unfortunately in some cases).

e) Growing out of it: If you got yourself to this point without significant mental harm, congratulations. Now you are looking at using this event in growing yourself either by fixing the problem by direct or indirect means. This is important to fix the scars and go the long mile in life. You would need all your tools and contacts to do this satisfactorily.

f) Take care of yourself: The most important, but often neglected part is to take care of your own health. Indulge in good physical activities, social interactions with compassionate and positive minded people, pursue hobbies that exert your creative muscles, and get a significant amount of water and good quality sleep.

Take care, and take time to be grateful, and be kind to yourself.