Resilience needed indeed

 A week back, when a top leader in my organization talked extensively about 'resilience' to a leadership forum, I didn't realize I would be requiring those so badly today.

After a sleepless night, and confronting my worst nightmares, I did what I believe is the most mature and benevolent way to deal with an otherwise highly toxic behaviour by someone close to me. It almost means the beginning of an end of things being the way they are.

It was difficult to come to terms with the observation and its immediate implications. But thinking of future possibilities makes my heart sink at times, and boil my blood at others.

But now, after having having spoken openly and concluding the brief exchange in a seemingly civil way, I feel I am on the higher plane at all levels. And I badly needed this assurance, as in many other counts, I am on a slippery slope. This is indeed a shock which gives a well needed signal to the fragility within these systems that I believe I am part of.

Multiple paths lie before me. Not all cross paths, but many do.

One is to painstakingly re-envision my world outside this system.. I also need to seek ways to keep myself afloat and come back to salvage what is important for me from the ship wreck that is to come.

But the most delicate one is to seek ways to limit the damage, or even use these signals to fix the fragility. This is something I'd like to see myself doing and the resiliency would help here.

 Lets go through the basics:

a) Relaxation response: It is a struggle to bring oneself into a composed mindset when beset by confusing and contradicting emotions, each calling for extreme reactions which are toxic in nature. But do not give into your emotional whirlpool and hold steady using your own value system and morals as a compass. If it is an interpersonal conflict, it is important to not focus on the adversary's observed actions and possible reactions, but own our own. Similarly, if dealing with an organization, the same needs to be done.

b) Resolution response: Once the storm dies out for a while, use the calm to work out your priorities, solutions, and best case outcomes expected. It would be wise to leave out the worst case scenarios as they would only act as emotional triggers to take you out of the relaxed state.

c) Keep moving/ perseverance:  Easy to say but hard to do when dealing with cyclical thoughts about future and perceived insults/disappointments etc. But make it a point to try to check if after a session of thinking, you are moving ahead or getting back to same points. If you find yourself in a cycle, you need to find the cord that attaches you, and most likely it is an emotional one. Take your time to sever it and find replacements.

d) Know thyself: This is where any amount of prior experience in dealing with your own emotions comes in handy. Especially during significant positive and negative moments in life, if you know how you tend to handle yourself on autopilot, it helps a lot. You might either need some isolated moments, some actions etc or require help from friends/family or even professional help. Identifying this correctly early on makes a huge huge difference. For example, going on it by yourself for life changing decisions, when you have no past experience can be suicidal (literally too, unfortunately in some cases).

e) Growing out of it: If you got yourself to this point without significant mental harm, congratulations. Now you are looking at using this event in growing yourself either by fixing the problem by direct or indirect means. This is important to fix the scars and go the long mile in life. You would need all your tools and contacts to do this satisfactorily.

f) Take care of yourself: The most important, but often neglected part is to take care of your own health. Indulge in good physical activities, social interactions with compassionate and positive minded people, pursue hobbies that exert your creative muscles, and get a significant amount of water and good quality sleep.

Take care, and take time to be grateful, and be kind to yourself.

What went unsaid

Life, as I had only read before in places, never takes the turns we wish it to. It never follows the waypoints we lay in our dreams. Sitting atop a hill, I could very well look back now and reflect on these sparkling words, and relate well to it.

Completely aware that this realization, however solid and significant it is to me and my near ones, doesn't change the reality, I still wish to meditate upon the beauty of active living against wishful living on a different occasion.

As a matter of fact, today's reflections captured a lot of old memories and opened them up in present context. Exactly like dusting a old library and finding remnants whose superlative significance has been reduced to dust over time.

In this particular bit, I meditate on why particular commitments overshadow the larger scheme of life, and at times we tend to lose ourselves in them. I, being a peculiar kind of person, however fond of planning, also have a high tendency to take leaps of faith. Such leaps, bounds, patchy planning, inspired actions, compelled decisions, postponed decisions, shortcuts and so on is what I see when I look backwards to just the last two years of my life.

At a time when I was already at a conflict point with my hobbies, career and health, I found myself flowing into a larger conflict with career, passion and personal life. Conflicts followed, some won, some given up and a few still going on in various forms.

In between all these "life" stories, there were several amusing stories, incidents, ideas and experiences, which I forgot to pen down. I realize that was a big mistake, because I now know that I can't expect life to repeat the good parts or any parts for that matter.

With me joining the leagues of young people turning their lives into 'busy' schedules, assisted by gadgets, a part of keeps struggling to juggle the old way against it.

From today onwards, my effort is on to try to keep the conduit open and let those come straight out in various forms.

And a nice piece from Rumi to add some food for thought:-

lost passion

What is that one passion which you would love to restart in your life again? #lostpassion

The passion to challenge limits.
The passion to define my own rules.
The passion to kick away at the gates of pain.
To not give up in the face of overwhelming odds, and to not take No for an answer.
To just live life, loving all, hating none, holding no grudges.

I wish to bring myself back on the paths which almost always passed through the beautiful jungle streams, and vast green meadows. The paths which also went through steep rocky inclines which kill every muscle on your limbs and squeeze your lungs. The very same paths also stung you with the harshest sun, and made you shiver at the coldest night and often stung with insects, thorns and what not.

I wish to bring back the passion for action on the spur with the wind on my face, blood pumping, and vision clear.

To take off, get lost, get stamped out, defeated and to rise again and touch the sky. Just to get back home, and enjoy life all over again

However content one might want to be with all the good graces in life, one who has tasted the life on the edge, finds it particularly hard to find the green meadows juicy. Weaknesses allow for temporary shift in everything, but fire within just refuses to die. Just like a tiger in the wild which doesn't waste its time on someone else's kills, and takes pride in its own ability to hunt, such people still stoke the fires of this dangerous passion which unfortunately the current society isn't ready to accommodate so well. And of course, to point at others alone is pure hypocrisy.

Ultimately, like the infinite circle of the yin-yang, the conflict between the creators and the preservers will go on forever, and we all perform minute roles to complete the much much larger circle of life, as it goes on revealing its true nature as and when ordained.

And of course - Freedom. In my opinion, one of most hyped, least understood and most misquoted concept of modern humanity.

May you be free enough to free yourself from the misconceptions of freedom which has kept the very concept of freedom lacking in its pure essence, if there might be one such.

Story of a wooden log

Once upon a time there was this fine log of wood. It belonged to a mammoth tree, deep in the western jungles. After being cut down by the woodcutter, it had travelled through dense jungles, various wood mills, on several bullock carts and ships to reach its current place with this carpenter.

It was not a very nice shaped log of wood, and naturally its brethren were all made into exquisite pieces of furniture or sent up to the royal carpenter. At least that is what it heard from the other logs present around it. It, on the other hand was left with this poor carpenter without even being polished once. It held its breath and expected to be picked up, each time the carpenter came up to the storage to find logs for his next piece. Each time it had to be content with watching some other log being taken away.

Due to this nature of events, the log often faced a lot of ridicule from the other pieces. As days went by, the carpenter went on adding the pieces to various pieces of furniture he was making. But this log never got picked even once by mistake.

As the number of pieces started diminishing in the workshop, the peculiar piece often worried whether it will be left alone in the dinghy workshop. It often lamented its fate that when all the others went to large mansions and served their purpose well, it could do nothing but wait in the dark store room for an eternity.

Many months went by thus, and the piece had begun to wonder if it should try rotting itself out so that carpenter would be forced to put it out of its misery. It was on one such dull morning that the carpenter strode into the workshop and instead of picking up the usual square blocks, his hand reached for this one and picked it up. Quite taken off guard, the log started quivering with fear. It thought that the carpenter was planning to throw it away or even worse, turn it into saw dust!

It continued to shiver as the carpenter went to work on it with his tools. It was then that the carpenter picked up his sharp saw and gripped the wood hard, his eyes glowing like fire. Terrified, the wood piece knew its life was ending, and shut its eyes.

A faint knocking and vibration woke it up. It tried to figure out its own form, and was glad to find itself in one piece. But it hurt where the saw had left its marks and some parts of him were now shaped differently. It found itself staring at darkness, but could hear faint murmurs of wooden pieces and after listening intently, it caught conversations that it recognized. Those were its former companions from the same tree. "Where am I? What could these logs be doing here?" - though the log to itself.

It decided to find the answer and shouted out loudly to its kin. When they responded, it put forth its questions to them and to its greatest amazement it discovered that it was now present in the royal court of the Maharaja. It couldn't hold its tears of joy. But yet again kept on asking further, and could only get to know that it now adorned a royal piece of furniture and the other pieces didn't know anything as it had come late in the night covered with satin. So they advised to wait till daybreak to figure out things.

The piece of wood couldn't sleep that night and impatiently waited for daylight. It must have dozed off in the tiredness of all the excitement and woke up with the sound of conch and drums. It could make out hundreds of gold plated men holding weapons standing in two neat files on its two sides, and behind them stood several men and women dressed in beautifully colourful attires. It could make out lines of trumpeters and drummers playing their instruments with vigour as various colourful flags fluttered in the breeze.

Its eyes immediately rested on a cushion seating adorned with gold and satin, and recognized one its kin among the pieces of wood that held the cushion. Quite happy to find a familiar face, it wanted to ask it hundreds of questions about the strange place it was in. But then it saw all the other pieces set in similar pieces of furniture, now lying vacant behind the beautifully attired men. They all seemed to have their gaze fixed on him, and with respect. He was puzzled. Only until the fully decorated and marvelously glittering king came forth and walked towards him, did he realize what has become of him.

Such is the story of that peculiar piece of wood, who had a twist of fate and found its place in the society. And what position would have suited someone as peculiar and unique as it was, other than the supreme ruler's jade crested throne? This story underlines the learning that not everyone is made to serve the mundane everyday purposes of life. There are some who are destined for special roles that call for special skills as well as pains. That is what makes life beautiful.

Adios and have a nice end to the wonderful year :)

Diwali musings

Lying on a dusty bench on the platform, with my eyes shut, I was trying to catch a few minutes of rest. Hardly a minute would have passed, when a loud rumbling noise woke me up, and I found a column of dust settling down on me. As I struggled to cup my eyes and mouth to prevent the dust from entering in, I caught a glance of the source of interruption.

The rumble of clanging wheels and screeching brakes turned into a cacophony of human voices as the passengers milled out of a multitude of exists - doors, windows and emergency exits as well. Rubbing my eyes, partly to clear the dust and partly to clear the sleepiness, I could see black forms of people carrying an odd assortment of bags and baskets, chattering loudly. Loud enough they were for this unearthly hour, and the language too I couldn't make out. But it sounded a bit like Odiya/Bengali and I tried to read the train's plate in the dim light. I could make out Howrah in the name and assumed these were migrants, and judging from their assorted luggage, mostly labourers.

They talked with high energy, and in my sleepy state I imagined them to be relatives coming to visit their kin working in Bangalore for the Diwali festival, but I realized I could be wrong by miles. Slowly this mass of people moved on to the railway station's exits and silence descended once again on the railway station. The cold wind had driven the passengers waiting for their trains and the vagabonds to seek refuge under their warm clothes/blankets. Many fully shrouded figures lay sprawled or hunched over the otherwise deserted railway station. Some were still moving about, mostly trying to find a good spot to keep them warm.

After a few more minutes of scanning the scene, I decided to get back to my pseudo nap. Hardly an hour had passed since the announcement was made about the train's delay and there were couple more to kill. I adjusted my backpack to get the softest parts right underneath my head and closed my eyes, telling myself to take a controlled nap. I must have dozed off for 10 minutes, before the buzz and bites of the blood suckers harrowed me out of my peaceful existence.

Unable to sleep, I lie there thinking of the exams I had and felt the tiredness grow within me. Having sent my wife ahead of me, I was supposed to write my exams and catch up with her at Chennai for out first Diwali. Suddenly, feeling the strong urge to jot down after a long time, I sat there keying with typos on my phone's notepad app. The last minute preparations, tiring journey to the exam centre, and the nerve racking exam itself. All these floated past my mind in those few minutes of reflection, slowly drawing away the tiredness.

Catching the shady figures moving around from the corner of my eye, I decided to stop the jottings and catch a final session of rest hoping not to fall into deep slumber before the train finally arrived. I was glad for this solo journey, having had taken a long break from it for over a year. Like the hundreds of life forms that take refuge in the crevice of a rock or a tree, such pockets of solitude offer much to the creative life forms within your head.

Adios.

how we are part of the system that expects us to spend carelessly

Please read the following article first.

http://www.filmsforaction.org/news/your_lifestyle_has_already_been_designed/

I must admit, I am blown away completely by this guy's revelations. They make a lot of sense. Its fun to think if we all had jobs that were of shorter period or different time, how would the world around reflect it? Think of it like residing in an area with everyone working in same industry. All the industries around would adjust their offerings accordingly. Similar is this person's realization that after his long break from routine profession, he finds many old habits which seemed normal to be quite abnormal.

But what caught my interest is the possibility that the "life" that we live outside our office, is also just a by-product of it. And probably we are constantly involved in buying things we don't really need. And it might just to keep in line with others, or rather basically keep the dissatisfaction at bay. The same dissatisfaction brought about by the huge span of our time taken away by our professions. Its all connected! But still why do we want to buy stuff we know we don't need?

I see that in the past, there were the rich or the poor. The rich had too much wealth and too little to do, ending up doing exotic stuff or throwing their power around buying stuff, taking over , fighting wars etc. The poor had hardly any time to think beyond basic amenities and surviving the hurdles put up by the wealthy. Dissatisfaction was an entirely different ball game back then.

But the modern middle class person who earns enough, still finds himself truly in the middle of new problems. He earns well enough to pay off debts and serve his future generations. Duh, sounds stupid. Doesn't it? Which middle class person can claim he can serve future generations. Well, actually that is kind of true. If you change the perception what is needed for future generation, that is. We always tend to compare our goals to that of super wealthy fellows who end up saving empires for their generations. If only we knew and were assured that we have now is just great, we could stop the craving. Well, knowing what one really wants is an elusive treasure, ain't it? So we just would have to live with not knowing that, and occasionally pursuing things that attract our heart and mind.

We know we like the money we earn(admit it), but we aren't quite always happy with it. Ah, buying that expensive gadget/dress/vacation made life so fulfilling, but again we need to keep buying the seemingly unnecessary goods we see at the market, because the money will grow back, and what good do we do by stacking it up anyway? Isn't it? Add credit cards on top of this to make an excellent argument for spending unnecessarily. :)

I find our lives going around approximately in this cycle, with only slight variations.

While its perfectly ok for human beings to wander and lose track of what they want, I feel petrified by the thought of a huge industry, backed by our governments and people including us, who feed and survive on our inability to find what we want and stick to it. That means not only is our hunt for our satisfaction incredibly tough, we are also fighting a system that involves almost the entire humanity, that can keep evolving to make you stick to your negatives. Make the ads more colorful, mix those sensitive content, talk about stuff that makes you keep turning your hear, every single time. So each time I am fighting my laziness or craving for junk food, I am actually fighting millions of intelligent salesmen, scientists, business tycoons, corporate executives, engineers, and so on who have engineered perfect products that human beings, owing partially to genetic makeup, and partially to effective cultural and economic constraints , can never stop paying for it.

While all that sounds scary, none of these mean that you have to get pissed at things and walk away. Its more about realizing how macro economies rely intensely on our bad habits of laziness, procrastination and unhealthy choices of spending and consumption. Knowing that you are being taken for a ride with flashy advertisements, one should be keen to avoid stepping into this vicious circle when a choice falls through. Taking informed decisions is always better than ignoring the risks and stepping in, and lamenting later.  And in return for not stepping into this vicious circle of dissatisfaction, what you gain is more confident and resilient perspective of you own needs.

If you feel your life sucks, stop yourself the next time you are tempted to buy something you don't really need. You are just feeding your dissatisfied soul with foul fuel to just keep it burning. If it helps, take a break. Don't buy stuff. Create new things. Write about something, talk to people, take time to create new ideas, help people with things you are good with. These are real concrete things that help you solve problems with lack of time, not knowing what you want, being under pressure etc etc. Buying is just buying more trouble if not done with the right intent :)

an outrage and then an afterthought

sometimes,  its just too hard to bottle up emotions and accept things.

That's one of the many extreme emotions I experienced after watching the BBC Documentary titled "India's Daughter" covering the incidents of the 2012 Nirbhaya rape case. And that ain't even the most extreme ones, because the nature of the contents of the documentary is such.

This video is banned in India, but BBC has decided to air it in UK, and it has been doing multiple rounds in the social media, generating many a fiery discussion, outbursts and many many more silent and guilty hearts.

The video interviews the main accused and he narrates in detail the incidents of the night, alongwith his justifications and motives. Narratives are also recorded from all the perpetrators' kin and also of the victim and others involved, giving it an overall picture of everyone's story.

To add to the gruesome nature of the crime itself , the lack of remorse displayed by the victims and the nature in which they accept it as a natural course of action makes one wonder if we are living in the same nation about which we talk so high and mighty on 15th August every year, or share the same values we like so much to boast about everywhere.

While its natural for a defence lawyer to argue on the side on his client, the deeply set mindset against women empowerment even among the highly educated, rich and respected men in the professional of legal practice lets ones belief down heavily on the society. I found it harder to sit still hearing their continuous banter against how women must conduct themselves. Statements like "We have the best culture in. In our culture, there is no place for a woman", uttered by the defence lawyer and the claims by another lawyer to set his own daughter on fire if she disgraces the family, just shows how deeply rotten things are down under the glossy image of "culture".

While its really a blessing that BBC has made this documentary and as Javed Akhtar stated in the parliament, if men watch this and feel its content is bad, they should also be ashamed about how they treat the women around them.

But after watching the heart wrenching 1 hr documentary, my heart keeps asking me "how many such videos would have to be made for this to become just a bad memory", and the answers I can come up with aren't anywhere near being rosy.

Somewhat in-line with what the documentary tries to expose by taking statements from the accused and their kin, and several other experts, the root of all this traces itself back and forth across various issues that we hear about daily, like poverty, unemployment,dowry, nepotism,caste etc. Strong divides between the rich and poor, powerful and downtrodden, leads to criminals taking birth in larger numbers with such notions of unequal share of power with the fairer sex. Clubbed with our society and political system's inability to cater to any one set of values consistently without media attention or direct benefits, all these stick for long times and keep coming back "after" someone has to go through the agonizing pains.

Afterall, how long did the tremendous and immensely passionate youth protests last? Did the rape crimes come down? Did the percentage of reported cases go up? Did we, collectively as the society and administration address any of the root causes with the required passion? I say the answer is no. I say this problem lives on with us, and every living moment has to be spent on correcting what we can, learning from our mistakes of complacency and keeping vigil to not let our society breed monsters within our people. And all are our people, both victims and accused.

This doesn't end here...

the icy seductress

the soft gurgling noise of the icy rivulets fills the stark silence of the pitch black nights.

the silvery water keeps rolling and knocking against soft round pebbles that fill the river bed

the soft streams cradled among the rocky mountains seem to carry a strange divinity

I went to sleep every night with the same soft gurgling sound filling my ears, and the images of the clear blue water tumbling all along the rocks filling my mind before I lose myself into its magical hypnotism

dipping oneself into the hypnotic trance

I wake up each morning and walk over the icy rivulets and seat myself on the rocks by the river, often letting my limbs play with the flow of the icy waters. I kept wondering about the tiny streams flowing eternally, gracing rocks of all shapes, tumbling on and on, forming the shape of the land for huge distances, and making up the eternal cycle of life.

Clocks were seldom needed here as the river seemed tell the time in synergy with the sun and the thick mist. They together formed and dispersed all sense of time in the valley. They decide when you wake up and when you can summon enough courage to walk out of the tent. They decide when you get tired and when you get into slumber.

when ones very breathing moments are left to the mercy of the skies, the boulders around and the ever strengthening currents of the icy waters, life becomes a synchronous embodiment of the very same elements that surround us. In their company I had the strong sense of being alive as a human being again.

Left to the wild in a group of like minded and similarly witted human beings, man learns to create a sense of community and life among the forces of nature.

Felt like being close to the real purpose and sense of being human... again.. a sense of continuous rebirth :)

Image copyrights are owned by Cijo George

Living an average life - the zen perspective

As always, Zenpencils rocks!!

I don't see any problem in living an normal education, investing in regular stuff, playing the routine things and retiring the old fashioned way, IF you are able to uncover moments of passion and love in the act of doing all these. Else it is time you started opening your ears, eyes and heart to the much larger world and live life King size!! :-)

Ship of Theseus - A review

Ship of Theseus...

I had wanted to write many things about this movie in the initial two days after watching it. But now, when I finally got the time and setting to do it, I am trying to find what those thoughts were.

So here goes..

This movie has a lot to offer being of a different breed. It differs by miles from the mainstream movies anyway, and even from the parallel movies it differs in very subtle manners.

Outright, if you ask me if its an art movie, I would say yes and No. It does have the usual technicalities and stretching phenomenon common with all art movies. But then the packaging seems to have been done a bit differently to make it appear on the left side of the scroll bar of art films. The promotions and advertisements too have been done via social media, thereby taking away a portion of the anonymity that art movies usually get released under.

A proper promotion ensured that huge crowds of intellectuals,pseudo-intellectuals,art movie lovers, general movie lovers and general population also turned out to see what this movie is all about. The cities where the movie was to be released were selected based on social media voting on various platforms like Twitter and Facebook. A bonus for social media in generating the right image of the audience and their expectations.

140 minutes long, this movie seems quite long and unprocessed at parts, whereas many parts takes your breath away. Anyway, as with any movie which involves concepts and symbolization, the interpretation and level of enjoyment varies from person to person.

I would like to touch upon the general topic of the movie without giving any spoiler alert. Most of these you would get to know anyway from the trailers, so I believe I am not doing any injustice to the makers of the movie.

The movies is a stitch-up of three stories;stories of three different people in three different situations going through some life changing moments of their lives. The philosophical question underlying the movie is shared to the audience in the  beginning, probably to set them thinking on the same lines as the makers of the movie. There is no principle or concept, just a logical question which can be applied to anything in life and metamorphosed into various dimensions according to your intellectual interests.


The first story is of a girl who is blind from childhood who takes up photography after she loses sight. It is a mind blowing concept, watching her use voice recognition in her camera and photo editing tools to create amazing works of art. She is portrayed as being a famous photographer with her own exhibits, but is not at peace with the world. Her husband, who helps her by giving comments and reviews of her photos gets into constant arguments stemmed out of her frustration at something. Its a pleasure watching her figure out subjects around her just by using sound and clicking very profound images. Then we are told that she is getting her eyes operated and new implants from some donor are fit. She is dying with anxiety to see the works of her which she hated, but was appreciated by all. Like a child, she goes through all the works she has done from her childhood, breaking into tears realizing the enormity of the work she has done unwares. Soon she is on the same streets trying to recapture the same feelings and images, this time with eyes. But after many attempts, she realizes that something is missing and this breaks her down completely.
 
 She travels to get motivation for her work and the story ends when she finally comes to peace with the hard truth. That truth is something that I was personally able to relate to and I felt completely satisfied at her discovery.


The story moves onto Maitreya, a Jain monk who fights against cruelty to animals in various labs. He takes upon major cosmetic companies and is a champion of simple life. One fine day he is diagnosed with liver cirrhosis and it moves to an advanced stage soon. Doctors advice him to take medicines, but having seen the kind of animal testing done behind the medicines prescribed to him, he rejects medication and chooses to embrace death instead. The story slowly moves across various frames of his wandering, his followers, his daily life and so on. But the most engaging and interesting parts are his intellectual debates with a friend, even in his death bed. These exchanges cover all the philosophical reasoning and motivations that drive Maitreya while making the audience chuckle and laugh at the humorous puns and jibes. It keeps the movie away from the intellectual and philosophical boredom that affects such scenarios. The end of this story was questionable and left us in wonder and it took hours after the movie to be put aside.

The last story is more non exotic in nature. Its about a Marwadi stock broker who is shown as getting his kidney transplanted  He is shown as someone tied to his work, carrying his PC(mind it, not even a laptop) even to the hospital room to continue his work. His grandmother is a social activist who constantly prods him for his hunger to make money and lack of interest in being more humane. In the hospital premises he witnesses the plight of a poor family that discovers that the kidney of its sole bread earner has been stolen by some doctors in a previous surgery. Already hurt by the remarks of his grandmother, this sparks something in him to set out on a journey to track down the source of this theft and try to get the rightful owner his kidney back. His pursuit takes him to the nefarious underbelly of the medical mafia, crowded slums and even goes international to track down the massive mafia. He also has a stocky friend who keeps the humour flowing, keeping the audience's interest very much up. With some interesting moments of realizations and setbacks, his story is about the spark that  normal people get and how he reacted to it. An activist is born in him that day.

Overall the movie charms and makes up for some of its boring sequences,shots and dialogues when you consider the plot, the concept and the use of good humour to maintain the flow. The end has the answer to many questions, but raises far more questions for the audience to ruminate upon.  The other highlights of this movie is the attention given to the sounds, the depth of dialogues and the wonderful camera work. But in these days of amazing cinematography in mainstream movies, there is nothing remarkable in that department.

 I rate this movie 8.3/10. Go and watch it, you lovers of good quality movie. Let this spur on many such efforts.. Kudos to Anand Gandhi, Neeraj Kabi and Kiran Rao, among others..


Read the wiki link about the making of the movie
(all image copyrights are with their rightful owners, and images obtained from google images)

the river

He once asked him, 'Have you also learned the secret from the river;that there is no such thing as time?'

A bright smile spread across Vasudeva's face.

'Yes, Siddhartha', he said. 'Is this what you mean? The river everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the current, in the ocean and in the mountains, everywhere, and that the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?'

'That is it', said Siddhartha, 'and when I learned that, I reviewed my life and it was also a river....

getting used to things?

Getting used is a very undervalued characteristic of human beings.

We get used to good things fast and makes us complacent. We even get used to bad things and don't react anymore.

Its important to get used to something to be really good and natural in it. In activities like sports and other matters that requires ease and experience to advance, "getting used to" is a good thing. You feel frustrated until you get used to it, and can't wait to move to next stage.

On the other side, getting used to even good things can make us complacent and brittle to changes. Change is a big phenomenon which will inevitably happen. So when it happens, the ones who are stuck to their seats hard will be the ones who would be hurt most when they get torn off it. For example when your strict daily routine is broken by an event in life, you feel frustrated, confused and out of place and struggle until you settle in the new routine.

So getting used to things and getting unused to certain others is best imagined as a sine wave sort of phenomenon in an average person's life. A life with fluctuations is what gives it the pulse, else it would be blank as a calm ocean, good only for a short period.

Each time we are in the 'getting used to' phase, we feel short handed and powerless, and each time we perform activities to which we are 'used to', there is no separation and no more detachment from activity.

So get used to such ramblings :P adios!

Feel the earth

Walking outdoors for long distances on bare foot has always fascinated me. But I didn't think too much of it..until now. I see people not recognizing it as a talent, but madness and lowliness.

They don't realize the pleasure of feeling the ground with your feet. It too has nerves you see.
You can perceive the lay of the land, the temperature and the level of traction it provides by just standing still. You feel as a part of the Earth, and it becomes easy to mould Earth chakras :-) or do Earth bending :D

Walking bare foot is challenging. You have the heat on the tarmac, the cold of the water and the weather to handle. Also there is the uneven land, the pointy stones, rocks and random dirt. Just walking fast on the tarred road can bruise and tear the skin off the smooth soles.

You got to be more careful when you do more intense activities like running, jogging or overcoming obstacles in the path. The stress signature on your feet during these activities is different from that experienced when you wear shoes.

I have seen many an expert runner, hiker, biker or climber turn to bare footed versions to get maximum kick out of it.  The simple joy of bouncing on your bare feet, jumping off your bare toes or tipping and balancing on the bare heels is worth the pain.

So today, I just walked out of my home and decided to explore my area. The same area that I covered on foot and on cycle all throughout my childhood. Good that it was already dark as I had the coolness of the night to support my goal. I walked a good 5-6 kms through residential areas where people eyed me suspiciously for walking through the busy streets bare footed and in shorts and a dingy shirt, with even the hair in shabby condition. I ended up exploring the newly completed railway over-bridge to the KSRTC bus stand.  It was a good experience to again walk through the place I used to pass by frequently and almost always in those lonely journeys to and fro Mysore. Walking amongst the crowd in the bus stand was fun, checking out cordoned off areas and keeping a keen eye on the ground for hostile terrain.

All throughout this mad walkathon I was thinking about why people despise the simple and natural ways of life, and embrace the built up and artificial setups. People walk smartly in their good dresses, drive in their good cars and look down upon people who don't seem to have similar possessions. They assume and build a position of power and confidence for themselves through such acts. I feel pity for the souls whose sole satisfaction on being alive is derived from the confirmation that the presence of these possessions provides them with. tch tch

I ended up reaching home feeling good and it was anyway in between a scheduled power cut. So i rested well and ended the madness with a tumbler of hot and strong home-made tea and got refreshed after washing. The sole and the heels have some injuries, that shows I have a long way to go before I attemptthe mad stuff I imagined in my head. :-)

Hope to see more bare foot adventures in immediate future ..

A thousand splendid reflections of Motherhood

I finished reading a Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini a few minutes ago, and was just writing up its review and starting to dwell into its various unappreciated moments, when I saw many posts in facebook about mother's day. Spoiler alert, as I intend to dissect the story.

While I don't fancy choosing a day to appreciate what your mother does and has been to you. But in light of the events in the book, there is a deeper aspect of motherhood that is left unappreciated, largely owing to being in a very fortunate setting of not having to cling to your lives everyday.

The book speaks not just of the relationship between two oppressed women in war torn Afghanistan, but also spreads the fragrance of motherhood all throughout its pages. The image of a mother that the book draws is very strong. If you think along that line, we realize that every mother would play the same role given similar situations.

The more I think about it, the book is all about the enduring love and affection shared between two women who shared a mother-daughter relationship. Having faced severe rejection,guilt and subjected to repeated acts of hatred, Mariam was dead in her soul for years when Laila crash landed into her life. The memories of her mother, whom she felt she had betrayed bitterly, her father Jalil, the mullah and all that she had around her kolba, was all that was left. She lived a mute life bearing all the insults and anger subjected on her by the burly Rasheed. The matters of politics, war and rules didn't affect her bit, as she was already without any hope for anything.

Its in such a life that Laila literally crash landed into. Having her own intentions to keep her love with Tariq alive, she had to agree to the cruel purposes of Rasheed. That is the point where the selfish mother in her starts taking shape, transforming the bubbly girl into something more mature and deep. Atleast she managed to secure a safe birth for her daughter. But this pitches Mariam against her and intense fights ensue.

But as its goes, the cruelity of life with Rasheed starts showing off on her too and now the women join hands as Mariam, for the first time in her life has someone who stands up for her. It moves her a lot and she lets her stony emotions to melt. Soon, in their everyday struggle in bringing up Laila's daughter Aziza against Rasheed's simmering anger and torturous rules imposed by the Taliban, they become very close.

As the sorrows in their lives keep increasing with no signs of hope, they have only themselves to support each other, while taking pains to bring up the kids, now including Zamai, Rasheed's son. Laila had for once thought of killing it in the womb itself, but her motherly love didn't allow her to, in spite of the hatred she felt for Rasheed. Things soon get worse and they land up in big trouble and in one swift motion, Mariam changes their lives forever. Mariam, the harami girl who used to wait patiently for her father to turn up, the girl who was humiliated by him when she tried to visit his house, who faced the guilt of her mother's suicide, who resigned to the fact that moving in with a stranger to a far off land is her only course in life. The same girl who got used to the repeated abuse hurled at her by Rasheed, who patiently bore all the complaints and insults and lived on without breaking down. She transformed suddenly for the love of the girl she held close as her daughter and did the unthinkable.

The picture of the painful expression on Mariam, imagined.

Her sacrifice paved a way for Laila and the kids to start a new life and its this debt that Laila repaid when she returned to Kabul from her happy life in Pakistan to rebuild the country after the war was finally over. Her acts weren't those of sympathy, but a retribution and a contribution. In each new things she helped build, she saw the will of Mariam, the love of Mariam and often Mariam herself.

If you think about it, you will realize that you see your mother in everything that you have done  and gained in your life. Irrespective of the level of intimacy of your relationship with your mother, she is always around you and you are always in her thoughts. Such is the power of this single title that cannot be denied by any creature living on Earth.  Amen to that..

energy to transform your life

omg I have so much energy stored in me. this is exactly the same feeling I get after a workout.

I always wonder how the lazy me could be transformed into this high energy machine after a few key exercises. Also during my recent high endurance bike rides, I was finding out hidden pots of energy when I seem to be at the end of my energy. So now each endurance activity is not just a long drawn affair and hence can't even be judged ahead of time as well. It all depends on the level of dedication, concentration and the push you give at the critical point when one level gets dried up.

And now my point is not to talk about some superhuman strength of mine. I have enough bandwidth inside me and my friend circle to boast about that. But my point is that I just start wondering whether the other lazy people around me would feel the same way if only they dared or rather cared just enough to get it started. I had seen many people recently who might be sulking and sitting lazily for a large portion of their lives, but at some point turned to some sort of activity(gym,playing some sports, trek,cycling,swimming etc) and turn into bloody addicts. Also their overall energy in life seems to go to a very high peak. Then I start seeing the signs of what I spoke of in the first paragraph.

This makes me realize that most people around us have the starting trouble and inertia for workouts or any kind of physical activity. I am talking mostly of people I have contact with i.e people in the technology field, the young and middle aged ones. Also to note are people in family and people in neighbourhood. The biggest problem in that these people who have fallen into this pit, simply refuse to acknowledge the fact. Unless they start the first bit, no one is going to help  them out. Many people even worry that others would laugh at them if they go for workouts. But they just have to think a bit more about what would happen if they don't. Then it will be life laughing at them!
 
Responsibility and natural need to do some work in their day to day lives make most of our parents and old people in the family very active. I have always wondered at the energy with which my grandfather used to perform the daily rituals,walk any distance in a day how many ever time he felt like without grumbling even once, and doing insane acts of labour. And I am talking about the time when he was 70+. Even the womenfolk amaze me with the amount of energy they spend in the kitchen and to take care of hundreds of things in the household. Almost all 70+ women in my family fall into this category even now!

I see people driven by passion and interest in doing things, just doing it inspite of disabilities and health problems. And remember, I am not talking about forced actions, but purely voluntary. And they find time to pursue hobbies that require lots of energy in between tight schedules of life as well. I have always respected people with the energy and who are in control of it.

All this makes me only want to keep the energy levels up, not just for me , but for the people around me as well. Because I believe energy is what makes us alive. To think broadly, to understand, to sense, to talk, to walk, to see, to love and to live, you need energy, and whatever you get, don't waste it on negative things like anger,greed,jealousy, laziness etc.

I remember couple of slokas I learnt in school and can fully relate to them now. 

Nidra tandra bhayam krodha a’lasyam diirghasutrata;
Sadadosah puruseneha hantavya’h bhutimicchata’.
It means that men have 6 grave mistakes or Doshas that can ruin their entire life irrespective of anything. They are Slumber, Drowsiness, Fear, Anger, Laziness and Procrastination. Get rid of those to gain full prosperity.

[didn't get the slokas text.my sloka searching ability is bad]

but the meaning was that if it wishes to, even an ant can cover thousands of miles, but if he doesn't wish to, even the very powerful Garuda can't move an inch. It sort of summarizes the significance of will power to makes things right for yourselves in your life.

adios amigos.. Live Life.. King Size.

Whats wrong..

This topic has been running around my mind for some time now, so just thought of posting it. I have never been good in essay writing or any such literary matters as a matter of fact. But I always have points,and this is gonna be disorganized..but I do hope to reduce its effects.On to the field now..

I have been thinking about America and its influence on the world economy,politics,science and most importantly on the minds of each and every individual of the so called third world. What gives it the image of Mr.Invincible, even though a peek into its history would reveal lots of flaws and even now there are lots of deep flaws in its systems(ok residents of glass houses shouldn't pelt stones at others).

What gives them the infinite power to get things done,to move on in any field,unlike in our country where every project comes to a standstill days within making a decision? Ok, these questions lead to thousands of reasons and points of accusations and discussions.But I want to examine a few points that arrived at via some particular route. Let me unfold those as clearly and coherently as possible..

My thoughts emanated from a brief overview of what each major country was renowned for(1900 onwards). It was in this stream of thoughts that I came upon this block and strange connection of America to India. As most of you know, the Germans were known for their machinery and perfectionism, the Brits for naval supremacy and economy, America for the oil and many other rare materials found only in that continent..etc etc. In addition to these, all the countries were colonial in nature, having colonies at far fetched places, earning them military power and revenue. In a single peek, we can say the World War weakened every colonial country and practically brought colonialism to its end,but not USA. It started becoming a major player in world politics from then.

India, being a colony at that time, didn't have enough strength to free itself become a global player. But,I feel that India, with all that we had then could have made a huge uprising and routed out all weakened colonial fools and changed the course of the world. Though there are many logical and valid reasons that prevented such a course of action, lets examine closely. This is where I make my point..and its significance is at the peak in current times. Lack of unity, fueled by regionalism,communalism and petty issues is what had originally led to the colonization of India..and is still the issues plaguing our progress and allowing the USA to retain the spot we could have had.

Consider the rich and developed nations of the world, all except USA and India have fairly homogeneous population in terms of race,colour,caste,religion,language and culture. A few exceptions do exist,but the magnitude of variety is highest in India, followed by the USA. USA, being a fairly new country, and home to immigrants draws its strength in all fields from its multicultural population. On the other hand, the same variety is what hampers all kind of progress in our country.Why is that?

I would say, our sense of nationality and attachment to our different cultural,lingual, regional and communal identities all together make us such dumb fools, incapable of thinking and acting straight. In my point of view, the Americans don't have much of a sense of unity, but then don't have any objection to the presence and progress of others. They seem to be just motivated by the profit motive.
Lately, that has been proved wrong as America is slipping in power and respect. How many Americans care if something happens in their neighbouring state?

EDIT:The above text was typed up in 2009 June and kept in draft as I was sure it was a biased and half correct view of things. But I am publishing it nonetheless as I neither intend to keep it in my dry dock nor just delete such a valid set of ideas.
Off late I hate the vested interest groups that run the things in USA and India as well. And such agencies are working all over the world, spewing out lies to the people who end up just gobbling up those, without getting to taste the nectar of truth(though truth is much more harsher than the lies in most cases).

Anyway I am not qualified in any sense to make authoritative claims regarding policies and operations of Governments, societies and cultures. I am just another speck in the desert. Adios amigos..

a silent strongman speaks out

Disclaimer
this post is purely for the martial minded, highly energetic readers who don't mind subjecting themselves to some pain and don't find such indulgences sadistic.. just challenging.

its been in the dry docks for many hours together. hence ended up quite big. if readers get bored, head on to the last for some juicy philosophy instead :P
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i wonder if people out there know these things or not. anyway i share what i know..

you ever tried punching walls? if so, have you reached a point where pain doesn't appear until a good amount of blows? and mind it, punch on the columns of the wall for your good and for the good of the building you are in(telling this based on some bad experiences).

well, you might observe that during and after these exercises your knuckles would get bigger and pointier. this is because the bone fractures inside on impact and then reforms as bigger formations with tighter connections. this makes your bones much stronger than their original form and often allows you to surpass the normal resistance levels obtained by natural properties. I have very pointy and tough knuckles, especially on the middle fingers.

a down side of these hard hands is that, it would become next to impossible to take innocent jabs at your friend's fat tummy without making them cry with serious pain. its really true what spiderman said about power. :( restraint and patience. you need to bring them along when imbibing such strength into yourself.

anyways, that part is always there for us strong men of the world to handle. lets get on with our stuff..

i don't know how many of us natural strong men go to gyms to maintain and condition the body. atleast those stuck in the lazy IT industry which involves almost no action should be continuously upto something to live our 'natural' lives. but I don't fancy gyms. i kinda feel bad being in there. maybe i didnt find the right reason or trainer yet. well, I haven't even tried to :) thats the least my ego can do for me :D

but its very necessary to not lose the various strengths of our bodies. it is not just about being presentable.  its about being comfortable, being full of our energies and upto the task when the time comes. and each one of us has a reason to stay strong. lets remember them as they are the flames of our passion for strength.

another key strength point is the forearm. it helps in our day-to-day tasks. strong hands help in umpteen ways. also the arms are part of the body that is mostly visible to others and people form impressions based on appearance of the upper body. but leaving the appearance part, a fully functional and powerful upper body is key to any practitioner. from power abs to help you balance weights and lift yourself ,to strong fingers for tight grips, each part along the upper body plays an important part.

sometimes you can't tap the complete potential of one part without developing another. to know of such key points and train accordingly is where you need expert support of trainer and equipments. but these need not come from traditional gym environment either. as I have been always looking for alternatives to a gym, I know quite a few stuff to train myself with ,without too much advice and equipments. thanks to the internet and random things all around us :)

there are lots of simple things you can do if you are lazy as I am. stretch a lot whenever you feel like. you should get back to your comfortable level after these stretches. they help relieving pain and stiffness caused by prolonged sitting, laying down etc, which is natural in our sedentary lifestyle. a series of air punches can return the life into your system anytime. punch walls if you have a chance, because they do more for you :D

frequently clench and unclench your fists to strengthen the wrists. check if you are automatically clenching and unclenching your jaws as well. this, as far as I know is a sign of aggression. if you observe such a relation, practice slow clenching of fists to get rid of the connection and after sometime you will yourself being calm even when you clench your fists. also when you get angry you would no longer clench your fists, the way normal people do. that way you suppress one obvious gesture that gives away your intentions. very useful during street arguments :) you obviously need every advantage possible to have.

and for the biceps, triceps and shoulders, all must be knowing the pushups and many such well known exercises out there. i love mixing them with some extra moves to make em difficult so that instead of repeating them, i end up exerting same effort by doing just a few. talk about laziness being the mother of innovation. but right now, I am not sure if repeating simple exercises is better than doing a few complex ones.

my understanding of the body, its functions and its limitations come from the Ayurveda and the Eastern martial arts areas. The modern workout practices, as with most things modern focus on exterior and individual aspects, without considering a holistic view. A select few trainers understand the body well, and they lavishly mix concepts from East and West to customize workouts as per individual person's body and character. I wish some such trainer would come by and make me a superhero martial artist.. sigh..

the various forms of Kung Fu use the knowledge of the body to train the various parts rigorously. Although the various styles differ in many aspects and you have to find the right style to suit your body and personality type, they all involve lot of common work outs. The same goes for Yoga, which has umpteen variations. Even all the well known and not-so-well-known martial arts and healing practices stem from the basic concepts. Knowing one allows you to tap into the larger cauldron eventually. I am sure not many are aware of such variations. Yoga is not just about stretching,bending and breathing on yoga mats with meditation. Kungfu is not just about flying,kicking and fast moves that take the breath away. There are lesser known forms of the two where the roles are reversed.

I realize this is such a vast topic and stuff keeps coming out of my head continuously. Alright, moving on..

Abs. Now there isn't a single part of the body more closely scrutinized and lauded than this in terms of fitness. Six packs and eight packs are the definitions for fitness nowadays. Nothing less matters. I say that is a bag of dogshit. Pardon my language, but such narrow views only damage the ability and motivation for many of us to remain healthy. Please don't follow wealthy celebs in building bodies. They get paid and their entire lives depends on their looks and appearances. Lets not get our heads too high. If you already have good abs, then its good for you. Focus on other aspects of health too :)

If your abs allow you to balance your upper body against the lower and perform movements and stuff you love to, you have done enough to strengthen it. Let another layer of fat remain on top of it, if you like. Don't you sacrifice your favourite dish for that. :-)

To strengthen it, do only the crunches of various kinds. Anything that places load and pressure on the abs point also helps. Its fun to exercise your abs. I am testament to the fact that you can have rock hard abs under layers of fat tummy :)

Next comes my focal point, the lower body. Starting with the strong thigh,stable knees,big calf muscles and flexible ankles plus rigid foot. Its a killer combination! Legs are everything. They propel, they balance, they give you poise, they help you climb over anything, kick open stuff, break things and what not!
 
A mountaineer lives and dies by the strength of his toes,calves and every single part of his legs. A wrong twitch can end everything for him/her. A footballer, a cyclist, a martial artist, a dancer, and what not. Everything we do involves our legs. Losing it, thereby is the largest blow that can be given to someone. Pray no one gets such a punishment.

As a mountaineer,hiker,cyclist and a martial artist, I too love my legs. Among the parts of my body, I have always been partial to my legs. Hence they are still strong after years of relative inactivity. Recent cycling adventures helped regain the lost endurance. But they need to be regularly used and kept well oiled like rifles for perfect action.

Weak points are the knees and the ankles. They get bent,sprained, broken or swollen easily with impact. Such injuries can render you useless and prone to mortal danger. Hence always take good care of your feet. Run, exercise, lift weights on your feet, stretch, kick, do whatever you want to keep them in good 'running' condition.


Stances which involve balancing your body weight on individual legs, the knees or the ankles and toes are some basic stuff which can significantly increase their reliability on the field. And you don't need special time or equipments for any of these. That is another reason why I fancy leg training. Even sitting in the traditional Indian way is very good for the legs.


You can walk on your toes occasionally for fun and training the tendons.
Run occasionally. Jog. Hang by your legs.
Take longer strides than usual while walking. Walk fast. Walk really slow.
Hop over tiles, jump over obstacles instead of climbing over.
Kick things at different heights, kick backwards, kick sidewards.
Bend you leg backwards, lying down and with your arms bring them over your shoulders.
Bend your legs and touch your shoulders with your knees.
Jump up so that you can hit your palms kept at face level with our knees.
Do splits.

Jump over low walls.
Sit on slightly tall tools by springing onto it than climbing.
Cycle. Climb rocks. Climb really tall peaks.
Climb a vertical wall use bare hands and foot..
Raise your right leg 90 deg to right and hold it for long.
Raise it forward and hold it longer.
and many many more :-)

phew. been writing this from morning! i think i had enough, and I assume that you too have. if you have read till here with interest, then contact me. We can train together :)
 

nowadays people don't respect strength. they only end up fearing strength. i hate the kind of strength that can only inspire fear and no respect. such a strength is caused not by pure strength, but when weakness causes you to use your only strength and impose your will upon people with lesser strength. I can only see the pure strength in select few, and the number of such people are dwindling. I think the older generation had more understanding of such a strength. I find such references in lots of characters and stories from various books etc.  and idolize them.

To be a real strong man, you don't just have to have large muscles and lots of physical strength. Even with a little less of it, what you need most is a large heart to accommodate people with all their imperfections and hateful views. A strong man should be able to take it all in and give out good vibes. He/she should be the filter that cleans things around them. It takes time to become one and the path is full of struggle, pain and isolation. I am on the way I believe and I have seen many others too. Believe we will meet up sometime :-)

PS: Here, by using the word 'strong man' , I don't intend to isolate women from this role. In fact strong women are more common than strong men.

Refer to this article from Lifehacker for some very useful follow-up information from a more credible source about things I have spoken about here  :-)

rain it must..

I want it to rain, and rain heavily it must.

My path back home should not be through pothole-filled roads where people fight with their egos and tension to move one inch ahead of the others.

I need a road that goes through open terrain where few walk with umbrellas, a few stand aside waiting of the rain to be over, many sit calmly in their seats in buses hoping that by the time they get off the bus, the rain would stop. I would love to see some crazy romantics on the road getting all drenched and energetically dancing all the way.

On that road, I wish to ride my cycle fast, without worry of laptop,wallet or phone. And no helmets either.

I rush home to get dried and reprimanded. And my home should be on the ground floor, with at least a small spot of green nearby for the rain drops to splash into, and for the frogs to showcase their skills. I wish to sit there, hearing the music of rain, feeling the tingling cold being relieved by the hot tea.

Slumber comes easily and unlike real slumber, here I wake up to the reality of what is real and what is not.

The time for summer heat and the vanquishing of it by the occasional rains is here. More tightly contested and enthusiastically discussed is this topic than any competition of politics or sports.

Conclusion
I love the homes in Kochi and Mysore where I received ample amounts of rain straight into my room, unlike the dusty,large,inhuman apartment in the dirt filled city. :-)